(formerly)tangentmind.org

I think a lot. I'm usally thinking about something. Often, I can't sleep because I'm thinking. I therefore develop a lot of theories and ideas. What better place to write them down before I forget?

ADD:
I have denied that I have ADD(Attention Deficit Disorder) for a long time. I was first diagnosed with ADHD(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) when I was 7 and I started taking "ritalin" when I was 8. The drug did some strange, and very undesirable things to me, so years later I was switch to a drug called "cylert", which wasn't nearly as bad, but I still didn't like it. I then stopped taking it(by refusing, and not because I was allowed). After taking ritalin, I was never hyper again. In fact, most of the time I seem to have ver little, or no energy at all. Whether this was a direct cause or coincidence, I don't know. 8-10 years later I've come to a realisation that I may in fact have ADD, and was just good at coping. I am no longer good at coping.

No one knows exactly what causes ADD, exactly what ADD is, or exactly how to treat it. Mostly, even the experts only know what the symptoms are and how those symptoms are affected by stimuli(e.g. drugs). ADD is often defined as an excess of brain activity and/or bodily activity(ADHD). However, ADD is medicated with stimulants, not depressants. If I knew why, I've forgotten...but I think that no on really know how that works. I have a theory that it's a rythm thing. The natural rythm of the body and mind are not in synch. Therefore, stimulants speed up the aspects of the body to synch them with the mind. I think that Attention Deficit is not really the disease, but a symptom of something much larger. I've had many theories about this, which I may devulge later.

Possible causes I've considered:
1. Humans, over the years, developed to be single tasking. In order to excel and survive, a human must focus on one single task. With the advent of technology, multitasking is more common and there are more stimuli, and many humans have not yet adapted to that speed and distraction. However, women can multitask much better than men. That is because higher amounts of estrogen in fetal development creates better bathways inside the brain. Which leads to theory # 2
2. ADD may be caused by imbalanced hormones during fetal development, and possibly development after birth. Too much testosterone or estrogen or both or too little of either... There are many hormones in animal products today. If I was an expecting mother, I think I would try to be a vegan during pregnancy, or at least try to get organic products.
3. This one I know has be researched. Researchers believe that Caffeine and/or nicotine during pregnancy can cause ADD. Likewise, many of those suffering from Attention Defficits self medicate with nicotine and/or caffeine. Personal note: I tend to work better when I've had some caffeine.

In general, I think Attention Deficit is not but a symptom of a disorder. Those diagnosed with ADD or ADHD typically have many other symptoms as well, varrying from person to person. It could in fact be a symptom of many different defects...not everyone has the same symptoms and not everyone can be treated in the same way.

I've lost my ability to cope and I'm sliding fast, into mediocrity. I can't very get any work done and I've been failing miserably at all my goals. As I explore my self and my symptoms, I hope to overcome all this. Life and my own stupid mistakes however, have not made it easy.

Nothing ever seems exactly the same. From the way I feel, to the way I see the world, to how I move, or the thoughts inside my head...It's as if I have multiple personalities that fight for control. However, I have one personality, but it ceases to find cohesiveness. It's like a brick layer, trying to build a box around many bouncing balls, however he has no bricks and instead must try to catch them all with large, long, hairy arms. No length of arm can hold that many bouncing balls.

Also, I feel like there are many voices constantly trying to get my attention, inside my head, but theres' not enough time to satisfy them all. They yell, "look over there!", "look at this!", "think about this!" all at the same time. Most of the time, thought I have full control over my capacities, I feel like someone watching a puppet, but with little control over what the puppet does. I cannot do what I really want, or know I need to do. It seems easy, I know. Just do it...but for some reason, I can't. Impulsiveness is a trait often associated with ADD.

My vision has always seemed odd. It looks like a television. When you look close at a television screen you can see the red, green, and blue dots that make up the picture. My visions always look like a sea of many tiny dots. These dots are more pronounce at night, or when I'm not wearing my glasses, which makes it almost impossible to see. Another anomaly, sometimes my eyes adjust to light and darkness at different speeds. I do not think I'm color blind, in any way, even though most males are.

My ears hum constantly. When there is no other noise, the humming is the loudest. Sometimes they ring, but that's only very occasional, not common. When I hear someone talking, I have to force myself not to listen to the conversation. I have actually read some info about people with ADD coping by using white noise. Sometimes music like techno or classical helps.

Another strange imperfection, sometimes when I walk quickly, or if I jump up and down - like on a trampoline - my head clicks. I'm not sure what this is, or what exactly is clicking, but I hate it. My jaw also pops and clicks and feels sore often, but I'm not sure if they are related. I can remember the clicking happening a lot when I had a trampoline when I was 7 years old.

Well, I think that's enough exploration of my mental and bodily imperfections. I forgot what this post was supposed to be, but this is what it is now.

Link for the moment:
10 Things You Don't Know About Women - Wanda Sykes

BTW, sorry about not making the former links actual links. I might fix it. No one has complained(no one has said anything...probably no one has even seen it. whatever)